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Kevin Carlin "TITLE: Challenges / Rewards for Single Parents."
Tuesday, February 10th
at 9 p.m. (Eastern), Note portions of the text have been edited for
spelling and grammatical errors, while other text with errors was left
in tact in the context of the chat.
Tabv {public msg} Hello and Welcome to our talkAutism Specialty Chat. If you have a question for our Host Speaker, Just type a “?” in the room. The names will be taken in order received. Hold your questions until you are cued by the Moderator. Also, Please keep chit chat down to a minimal, unless ok'd by the Host. Thank You and enjoy your stay! Ron {public msg} Camille -- please introduce your fantastic group...
Andrew {enters}
Amympk2003 {enters}
Camilleo64 {public msg} This group was started in September of last year
Amympk2003 {public msg} hi all
Camilleo64 {public msg} Since then it has had a great take off
Amympk2003 {public msg} I've noticed that!!
Camilleo64 {public msg} ok
Camilleo64 {public msg} hi AMY :)
Ron {public msg} ?
Amympk2003 {public msg} hey there
Camilleo64 {public msg} I realized the need for a group that addressed the issue of single parenting for children like ours
Amympk2003 {public msg} ?
Camilleo64 {public msg} single parenting in itself is hard
Camilleo64 {public msg} raising an autistic child is hard
Amympk2003 {public msg} I fully agree
Camilleo64 {public msg} so here we have these two issues combined and I knew there were many others out there like me who had to be facing this double challenge and so that was the birth of this group
Moderator {public msg} I applaud you
Camilleo64 {public msg} so for we have about 100 members and we have touched on a very broad spectrum of topics, in addition to just being there with a supportive word when things are getting us down. So the group has more than now purpose
Camilleo64 {public msg} thank you
Ron {public msg} what's the group called? website? How does the group interact? all online?
Camilleo64 {public msg} hi Andrew, I am sorry, I didn’t see you there
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} How many male/female members in the single parenting list
Ron {public msg} Kevin is here , btw :)
Moderator {public msg} Hello Kevin
Camilleo64 {public msg} it is not an extremely active group because everyone has such a busy schedule
Camilleo64 {public msg} Single Parents Of Autistic Children@yahoogroups.com
Camilleo64 {public msg} I would say more females than males
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} no kidding Camille, I saw the man bashing going on and I laid back
Camilleo64 {public msg} we interact as a yahoo message mailing list and message board
Camilleo64 {public msg} hi Kevin :)
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} laid low I should say
Ron {public msg} hehe
Camilleo64 {public msg} but when it is active it is fruitful
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} How many here are members of Camille's list?
Camilleo64 {public msg} as for the man bashing, that is simply another topic that can get heated
Amympk2003 {public msg} I am
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} me too
Camilleo64 {public msg} which is why it is important to have male members as part of the group
Camilleo64 {public msg} this allows balance
Moderator {public msg} Camille Amy has a question for you Amympk2003 {public msg} and insight from a dad's point of view
Camilleo64 {public msg} and a chance for the moms to see another point of view and perhaps rethink whatever their own situation is
Camilleo64 {public msg} sure, Amy
Amympk2003 {public msg} do we know why in the world schools hold IEP meetings in the middle of the school year instead of the beginning or end??
Moderator {public msg} you only get one a year??
Amympk2003 {public msg} If things are going to be changed or altered or something, and we KNOW autistic children have a problem with that, why change horses in the middle of the stream like that??
Amympk2003 {public msg} Yes, only one/yr--in Feb
Camilleo64 {public msg} well it should be done both times
Amympk2003 {public msg} one in Aug and one in May or something like that?
Amympk2003 {public msg} I've never had that done. Should I ask for it next year?
Moderator {public msg} My son had 2 a year, one in the middle and one at the end to set up for the new school year
Ron {public msg} we do have 2 as well - for same reason
Amympk2003 {public msg} anybody else have 2?
Camilleo64 {public msg} You should ask for anything and everything that you need
Amympk2003 {public msg} right. I have just been taking what they tell me, and they said one was enough
Camilleo64 {public msg} my son's school holds parent conference to review and alter , every 2 to 3 months
Ron {public msg} and for them to send their evaluations of your child before you meet if possible
Amympk2003 {public msg} but I also never had the luxury of having an advocate with me, either
Moderator {public msg} I would ask for 2.. and the reason for the one in the middle is to adjust anything that needs to be
Camilleo64 {public msg} Amy, I have learned to be my own best advocate
Amympk2003 {public msg} so I don't know everything to ask, what all I can do, etc.
Ron {public msg} keep networking like this, so you get a sense of what's reasonable and effective to do
Camilleo64 {public msg} yes
Amympk2003 {public msg} but I found a lady in the next town who is an advocate
Camilleo64 {public msg} then bring her if you think it can help
Ron {public msg} where you from Amy?
Moderator {action} . o O ( get a pad of paper and write down everything you hear that makes sense...then ask, then demand )
Amympk2003 {public msg} and she's coming w/ me next week
Camilleo64 {public msg} great idea
Ron {public msg} great
Amympk2003 {public msg} I met w/ her last month and she came up w/ a bunch of good stuff I never thought of, but she's attended hundreds of IEP's--me, just the 4th one, I think
Ron {public msg} where you from Amy?
Amympk2003 {public msg} Colorado
Camilleo64 {public msg} what kind of stuff?
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} First of all, what
Amympk2003 {public msg} to demand more out of the therapists and teachers
Amympk2003 {public msg} to get more detailed on the IEP
Amympk2003 {public msg} to find out how they are cuing Brian in school
Ron {public msg} those two meetings during a year will help you get your iep more detailed
Amympk2003 {public msg} to find out if a Central Auditory Processing has been done
Ron {public msg} for 1st one, I’d come up with what w/ specifically i want to achieve for my son
Ron {public msg} and then hound them to get them specific for review and signing of the iep at the end of the year
Moderator {action} . o O ( never sign it if there is something on it you don’t agree or question )
Amympk2003 {public msg} right, I did that when he started K, but he's in 2nd grade now and the teachers are telling ME what needs to be done and how much, etc. and I didn't care for that at all last IEP meeting.
Amympk2003 {public msg} I felt "railroaded" if you know what I mean. That I had no control over the meeting; that they knew better about Brian's needs than I did!
Amympk2003 {public msg} nobody writes in the back and forth notebook
Camilleo64 {public msg} well, although I feel I have a pretty good idea of where Nicky is going and where he needs to continue… still I do think his teachers do have a good insight also
Moderator {public msg} Amy who is on your team? Is the nurse or social worker involved?
Amympk2003 {public msg} If I want to know something, i have to go out of my way to ask a specific question, otherwise nobody comes to ME about anything!!
Camilleo64 {public msg} then it all depends on the teacher too
Ron {public msg} this is a discussion topic in itself. Camille - anything else to note about your group? We also want to get the Single Man's perspective before the 10pm witching hour (and Kevin's ex finds out how late he has Kevin Jr. out)
Amympk2003 {public msg} Neither nurse or SW-I have been solo
Camilleo64 {public msg} at times you can get lucky and get a really dedicated person who has taken the time to truly evaluate your son
Amympk2003 {public msg} yeah, well, unfortunately, I haven't been lucky....
Moderator {public msg} demand it Amy
Amympk2003 {public msg} sorry to take up the whole discussion here.
Camilleo64 {public msg} laughing
Ron {public msg} don't be sorry Amy ... hope you understand .. let's get back to this after Kevin shares some related comments
Camilleo64 {public msg} well it is my aim to reach as many single parents across the country as we possibly can
Amympk2003 {public msg} I WILL demand it now that I have my confidence back to do it!
Camilleo64 {public msg} to let them know that they are not alone
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} First of all, what State is everyone from? And are you a shared parenting spouse with 1/2 time or so, or less, if less--how much are you with your child? Finally, how much did Ron pay each of you to be here tonight? Seriously, I want to talk about
Camilleo64 {public msg} that there are others out there like them
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} problems that women have with their spouses, and vice versa
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} NJ here
Ron {public msg} NJ here
Moderator {public msg} Ga
Camilleo64 {public msg} as many topics that we have touched on,,,still there are a lot more for us to speak about
Tabv {public msg} OH, PA next week
Amympk2003 {public msg} I am originally from TX, where they have EXCELLENT special ed services, BTW, but am unfortunately in CO where SpEd SUCKS
Camilleo64 {public msg} <---NYC
Amympk2003 {public msg} I have my kids about 40% of the time
Ron {public msg} we were in TX, and at the time, services were non-existent, i heard they got a lot better
Ron {public msg} that's tough, Amy
Camilleo64 {public msg} my husband does not take my son often but not because he does not want to
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} shared parenting? percentage shared?
Amympk2003 {public msg} really, Ron? What part? I'm from around San Antonio
Ron {public msg} we're moving to Boise, id this summer, not sure what to expect
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} are all single, I know Ron is not ---yet
Ron {public msg} Plano, TX
Ron {public msg} outside of Dallas
Amympk2003 {public msg} k
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} Let's talk about our issues with single parenting
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} I have my son half time
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} that is working great
Amympk2003 {public msg} the worst part for me is having consistency between both houses. Is this an issue w/ others?
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} for me and my ex, it works
Ron {public msg} how do you coordinate his schedule, and your wife's schedule?
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} especially since she was having to have him more when we first separated and he is a handful, needless to say
Amympk2003 {public msg} I do something one way and dad does something different, or not at all, then Brian regresses
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} we coordinate by telephone and email Ron, also by trying to stick to the planned schedule
Camilleo64 {public msg} my percentage all depends on my ex husband’s schedule
Ron {public msg} is that easy as ex-es, with emotions etc.?
Camilleo64 {public msg} however I do most things for my kids alone
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} AMY---> is dad aware of the right way to do things
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} consistent with you
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} ?????
Amympk2003 {public msg} Camille, so it's different each week?
Camilleo64 {public msg} my ex has never been to a meeting of any kind
Amympk2003 {public msg} Kevin-NOOOOOOOOOOOO
Amympk2003 {public msg} rolling eyes
Camilleo64 {public msg} when I first was trying to diagnose my son, he did come to doctors with me
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} Some parents have unbelievable schedules and not control
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} no control over them
Camilleo64 {public msg} he never really take him Amy
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} AMY----> would dad learn if asked?
Camilleo64 {public msg} if he has some free time then he will
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} want him to see the child unless he gets with the program, you could apply to the Court for a new deal on visitation
Camilleo64 {public msg} he is self employed and works 7 days a week
Amympk2003 {public msg} he is still in denial that Brian has a problem......
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} But watch what you wish for, you might get it
Amympk2003 {public msg} again w/ the rolling eyes!!
Camilleo64 {public msg} he did take all three of my kids last night
Camilleo64 {public msg} it was his mom's birthday
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} how old are your kids with A?
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} Mine is 10
Camilleo64 {public msg} Nicky is 12
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} as of 5/10/04
Amympk2003 {public msg} mine is 7
Ron {public msg} mine is 11
Camilleo64 {public msg} Amy your husband’s denial will change eventually
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} seven, and how long since Dad and you separated
Amympk2003 {public msg} 2 yrs
Amympk2003 {public msg} I hope so, Camille, but he likes to stick his head in the sand..
Camilleo64 {public msg} that is because he is scared and cant face it
Moderator {action} . o O ( oh sticking head in the sand is sometimes easier then dealing with it )
Amympk2003 {public msg} RIGHT!! Kudos to you!
Camilleo64 {public msg} but he needs to understand that he must face it eventually
Camilleo64 {public msg} it is not going to go away
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} TABV----> how old is your child?
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} Andrew---->how old is your child?
Andrew {public msg} He's eight years old
Moderator {public msg} tab is away from the keyboard...she is my helper here
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} Rebecca-----> yours?
Amympk2003 {public msg} he’s HOPING Brian will out-grow it, or at least be less noticeable to others, 'cause he doesn't like having a son who's "different"
Rebecca {public msg} Mine are 9 and 12
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} Basically, life has ethical, moral, legal, and spiritual sides. How are you doing with your exes on these levels?
Rebecca {action} . o O ( neither of my children are autistic, Im here for Support of talkAutism ;) )
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} Rebecca----> you have two?
Rebecca {public msg} Yes two children,. daughter and son
Rebecca {public msg} married 16 years
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} oic
Moderator {action} . o O ( my son did not have autism, but did have a terminal illness which has a lot of aspects like autism kids, )
Moderator {public msg} Andrew has a question for you
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} I was married twelve years b4 divorce, and it was seven years post diagnosis.
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} go Andrew
Andrew {public msg} I was wondering, was autism THE reason any of you separated?
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} hello sunny
Ron {public msg} good ?
Amympk2003 {public msg} yes, Andrew
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} For me, it was part of the reason for sure, but life is too complex for autism to be THE reason
Ron {public msg} it has put a strain on us for many years, but it's turning to bring us closer together
Amympk2003 {public msg} how's that, Ron?
Andrew {public msg} I see, thanks.
Rebecca {public msg} exactly Kevin! i was just about to say that.
Andrew {public msg} yeah please elaborate
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} Ron makes a point, at times we were closer because of the syndrome
Moderator {action} . o O ( dealing with an exceptional child will either make or break a marriage...if allowed )
Ron {public msg} well, we were very apart for about 5 years with Robby being so severe...
Rebecca {public msg} regardless of whether you child or children have disabilities or not, life is always some struggles.
Camilleo64 {public msg} autism added to it for me ,, but my ex and i had a bad marriage that would have ended either way
Ron {public msg} but then, we've learned (thru lots of fights) to share in unique things that kids without spec needs kids can never appreciate
Rebecca {public msg} understandable Camille..
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} I saw a saying on a Church billboard that seems particularly relevant to all people, especially those in the disability community: "Pain is inevitable, misery is optional". I choose happiness.
Amympk2003 {public msg} GOOD ONE, Kevin
Ron {public msg} parents without spec needs kids, I meant to say
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} Ron ---> I was never so happy as the night that Kevin Jr. joined the human wave at Yankee Stadium --unprompted !
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} like you say, little things
Ron {public msg} that’s great, I can relate
Ron {public msg} we loved when Robby wanted to swim in a stream -- his smile was priceless
Rebecca {public msg} i have quite a few friends on the net and off with special needs children, that is why i support it the only way i know how..
Guest {public msg} hello room
Moderator {public msg} hello guest
Rebecca {public msg} hi guest welcome
Guest {public msg} what's the topic?
Moderator {public msg} Single parents with Autistic children
Rebecca {public msg} We are about to close guest, Unless you have a question for our guest speaker
Guest {public msg} nope, just room surfing, sorry
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} i have my son with me every Sun, Tues and Weds night and every other weekend
Amympk2003 {public msg} ?
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} any of you have arrangements you want to share?
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} go Amy
Amympk2003 {public msg} Are these "chats" only an hour, and only once a month?
Camilleo64 {public msg} good question
Moderator {public msg} only an hr yes...but this room is open 24/7 for use
Camilleo64 {public msg} there is a lot more we can add to this
Ron {public msg} sometimes twice a month, next one is March 16th though
Camilleo64 {public msg} what will the topic be?
Amympk2003 {public msg} ok
Ron {public msg} we support an expert on a new topic 1-2 times a month
Ron {public msg} sign the talkautism.org guestbook
Ron {public msg} you'll get notified of upcoming chats
Ron {public msg} you can arrange to use this chat room on your own
Moderator {public msg} Some days we have 3 people here full of questions other days we have full house where we cant get to all of them
Amympk2003 {public msg} will do! Thanks for the info!
Rebecca {public msg} Ron, Camille and Kevin, Great chat...We would love to have you back ;)
Moderator {public msg} definitely
Ron {public msg} with others... Camille feel free to use this chat room for your group
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} me too, i will come back anytime
Ron {public msg} thanks Camille and Kevin - you both were great!
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} i will
Rebecca {public msg} yes Camille please do...
Camilleo64 {public msg} thank you everyone... i really enjoyed this
Moderator {public msg} yes Camille we would love to have you
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} Ron, you smoothie
Camilleo64 {public msg} thank you very much
Ron {public msg} Best of luck to everyone, thanks so much M.s Moderator, Rebecca!
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} flattery will get you everywhere
Moderator {public msg} lol Kevin
Ron {public msg} you smoothie, carlin!
Rebecca {public msg} Camille, if you want the room and have any problems, just email me and i will take care of it.
Camilleo64 {public msg} ok great
Rebecca {public msg} thanks Ron
Camilleo64 {public msg} thanks
Rebecca {public msg} rebecca@parenthoodplace.com
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} Good night all, stick around and chat if you like, maybe we can ask Ron to give us a chance to have a regular chat here. Votes please?
Amympk2003 {public msg} I'm game!!
Rebecca {public msg} Kevin, your welcome here 24/7
Moderator {public msg} Kevin it is here...just come
Kevin Carlin-Host {public msg} how about the first Monday every month?????
Rebecca {public msg} unless Ron has a chat scheduled
Tabv {action} . o O ( lots of room! )
Camilleo64 {public msg} sounds like a great idea
Ron {public msg} got to go. enjoy folks, and best of luck with all your challenges and rewards!!
Moderator {public msg} night Ron
Amympk2003 {public msg} bye Ron
Ron {public msg} next chat is Mar. 16th - Computer Learning!
Rebecca {public msg} take care Ron, Hello to the Mrs.!!
Camilleo64 {public msg} thank you all ..good night
Ron {public msg} bye bye
Camilleo64 {leaves}
